Most Horrible String of Events to Date….

-i didnt salt my eggplant enough and had that back-of-the-throat-itchy-allergic-reaction-thing
-was so hungry and angry about not wanting to waste my eggplant that i ate it all anyways- which ended with me having flu-like symptoms
-was late for work because of all of the damn construction around West View
-my ipod shit the bed. like, it died a horrible death- “red X in a circle” icon of doom and everything
-my phone decided to shit the bed and crash when i went to look for a solution to my ipod’s “red X in a circle” thing
-my laptop crashed as i was looking up how to fix my phone’s problem that was caused by my ipod
-found my spare ipod and peer pressured myself to the gym, where my spare ipod decided it didnt want to work either, so i was forced to listen to the gym’s awful “Workout Motivating Mix”—which you have to know, was horrible, you guys.
-nearly FELL THROUGH AND OVER the stationary bike that i was trying to mount. i’m really short AS WELL AS fat, so getting onto equipment made for normal humans is ALWAYS a challenge.
-was too embarrassed to adjust the seat of my stationary bike, so i rode that fucker for 25 minutes awkwardly and in pain, knees knocking the handlebars. CLASSY AND AWESOME.
-left the gym not feeling exercised, but defeated and music-less.
-EXIT TO GET ME HOME WAS BLOCKED FOR NO APPARENT REASON so i was detoured around a shady neighborhood for 25 minutes, lost as fuck.
-found my way to where i needed to be, and was met with a WALL OF TRAFFIC. NO ONE LET ME MERGE, so i became murderous.
-stuck in traffic for 50 minutes having to poop and with a scratchy EGGPLANTY throat, with NO MUSIC except “Delilah After Dark”- hit 5th STAGE OF HATE
-stuck in traffic for 50 minutes having to poop and with a scratchy EGGPLANTY throat, with NO MUSIC except “Delilah After Dark” and “LOW FUEL” light came on.
-actually considered getting out of my vehicle and pooping on side of the road.
-traffic finally started moving before i pooped on the side of the road and started flinging my feces at vehicles because i officially hit 6th STAGE OF HATE.
-got home, thankful to not have pooped my pants, run out of gas, murdered anyone, or in jail.

this all happened to me yesterday. and this horrible string of events is PRECISELY why i suffer from agoraphobia and HATE leaving my house.
i thought i’d share.
i can always look back and say- “well, today might be bad, but at least it isnt as bad as that night i actually considered pooping on the side of a busy road”.

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